to expand.

I have been thinking again, about why it is that creating is of such importance to me, and why I so firmly believe that everybody should experience it at least. It seems like you form an idea or an opinion, and if you are very sure of it, it is easy to just keep on believing it without rethinking about it. But people change, and then so should ideas. When ideas turn rigid, so do we, and then we start getting in to conflict with others, ourselves or our lives and situations easier. At least I think that is how it works.

And so I decided to ask myself again: What is it that makes me feel that creating is so important? It used to be because it was something I felt I was good at, and I thought that if I became good at it it would be a way to collect revenge on my bullies. They would have to gasp in awe and of course would come to realize that I was so much more than they had given me credit for. Some days I added to the fantasy that they would come to realize I was som much better than them.

And then it became a way to escape. Escape how I was feeling. Escape what happened in my life by creating an alternate world through music, pictures, stories. It filled me with hope that I would be discovered and carried away to a different life that suited me better and where I was loved and even admired for who I was.

And then it simply became part of my identity. It is important to create because I am the creative one. I have clung on to this quite fiercly. Especially now that I feel I have walked far from the creative path in becoming a psychologist and working a while in research, having two gorgeous timeconsumers in my life :).

And now what? I have felt a shift. I still create for all of the above reasons, but something else is becoming stronger and stronger. And I came to see that it is no longer the result that is important. Or what anybody else thinks of it, not even me. It is about being in a process. But what is so special about this process? Two things, for me. It is pure freedom. In art and creating there are no limits. Not really. Of course you have your material and your skills and your imagination. But if you just dive into the process none of that really matters. You can just go with the flow and experience freedom for a while. Oh bliss!

And also, I have come to start feeling a sence of expansion in a spiritual way. When I create I become one with the material, with my surroundings and the universe as a whole. And this is something I feel is scarce in other parts of the everyday life. And I love it. And I truly wish that everyone could find a way to experience this in their everyday life. Art and creating is good, because there is an endless of ways to do it. Everybody can find their special way! Love!