fossiles.

I have been silent here for many more days than I thought I would.
I have been thinking about you and this place everyday though.
It seems like summer just grabs hold of me with all its' outdoor loveliness.
We are now by the see, and I am totally enchanted with all the marvellous stones the beach is covered in.
I want to pick up each and every one and look at it.
I especially love the huge amount of pieces of fossile to be found here. I love looking at them, their beautiful pattern. I love feeling them, weighing them in my hand, imagining a beach covered in huge insects scuffling about their business.
To feel time, physically, in my hands.
And to be reminded of how short my own time on earth is. How precious I ought to hold it.

How fantastic this planet is that we inhabit.
How I ought to worship and honour it in every possible way.
And enjoy it.

How grateful I can be.
For everything.

All my love to you!

selfportraits.

I was feeling really low.

Like a saying in hungarian: under the frogs ass. Because how much lower could you possibly get?

Anyways I had that annoying critic babbling away in my mind: nothing you do is valuable, you are a fake and a fraud, nobody cares about you or what you do on and on.

So what?!

So what if nobody cares? I care.

So what if what I do has no value for anybody else? It is important to me.

And if I'm a fake and a fraud, than ok, that's what I am then. I'll be a good one :).


And I felt an urge to just capture myself as me, the one I am in this (and this and this and this...) instant. No more no less. Confused, happy, fragmented, sad, philosophing, empty, full of love.

We are all so much.

There is no such thing as a fixed I. We are all made up of millions of fragments, shimmering and dancing, like the sun's reflections on moving water.

Everything changes. All the time. And that is frightening and wonderful at the same time.

And so that was me yesterday.

Who are you right now? How would you picture yourself? How would you like to see yourself?

Love!

where I get my hands dirty.

It doesn't look like much.

It really isn't much either. Maybe two meters times one and a half. Maybe.

But I love it, love it, love it!

I know the time I get to have it is limited, since it belongs to a proprietor I don't live with, and as soon as somebody there wants it I'm out. But I am going to cherish every moment I get to shove my fingers into the earth, digging, weeding, planting, harvesting.

Or just taking a quick peek at how things are going when I pass by. Which I do several times a day.

Lovely strawberries in the making.

Tiny blue bells in the middle of something I don't know what it is. Excited to find out!

Another mystery that has come to life again since I disposed of the weedcarpet year.

A very thin and a bit lopsided gentleman that I hope will give me beens.

I know it's a flower... I hope it is brightly coloured! 

My grandmother had truly green fingers (do you say that in english? It means she was fabulous with plants). I hope that inheritance will come alive in me as well. So far I think the colour that best describes my fingers in this area is black, haha! Rare are the plants to have survived my love :).

Love!

mornings.

I think we've got a nice little morning routine going. If I can just keep the stress at bay that is. We get up, not too early, not too late. I make myself some coffee and then we play, put the clothes on and have breakfast. Not  in order, not very orderly. Quite messy and often with some sort of powerstruggle, but still nice and easy. Cosy. Every now and then I have a meltdown while trying to put outdoor clothes on two struggling ones. But I'm working on that part.

As soon as we get outside it's all sunshine. No matter what the weather. I so much love the outdoors. And I am so happy to see that so do my children. And now that spring truly is here it's all the more lovely. Even though we live in a city, I do feel that I can get in touch with nature. After I have left S at daycare, I venture in the parks with L. (Even small parks can be adventures for small children. So much to touch and look at and smell and eat! :)).

Love!

more winter walks.

I haven't been here for a number of days now. It is "decease season" in Stockholm now. The children get colds and snivels and fevers and flues in turn. I get some, but not all. So does P. I always fear the kids being home sick in advance. And then when they are, I end up thinking it is also really cosy. Sure, they are a bit whiny and don't want to drink, and don't want to eat. But they also want to snuggle up on the couch, want lots of hugs and kisses, to be read to. And we still take our winter walks. Lots of warm blankets and shawls in the pram to tuck them into when needed.

sun.

I just had to slip in an extra post. It is a big thing here in Sweden, when the sun gets that warm glow again. Mmmmmm. Lovely!