a lovely day.

I haven't written for a few days. I don't know why, but suddenly I lost the desire to. I guess such things happen every now and then. I have been struggling a bit with how I am supposed to write here, what about, how personal should I be etcetera. When I really should just be writing. So, here I am again.

I have spent a beautiful day with my children. We were (as most morning) arguing, yelling, crying and whining   off and on - something that drives me a bit crazy and a lot sad. Many mornings have ended with me thinking I must be the worst mother in the world. But not today. I guess I finally have it. Experience as a mother of two. I kept my cool and happy mood in between the yelling portioning out love and kisses and play to balance the arguing and yelling and got us outside as quickly as I could. Because that is when everything turns. I take a deep breath of outside air. My daughter starts smiling and pointing at things she sees, instantly. And my son relaxes - says something like "it is a wonderful day" or "it is glorious outside". Or he just takes of  running, hands in the air, talking or shouting about some idol of his (Lightening McQueen and Tow Mater at the moment). Today we went to a big park twenty minutes walk from where we live to have pancakes. And we had the most lovely moment together. Liv was laughing going "mmmmm!" - first time to eat pancakes. And Sam was chatting along. Afterwards we just lay down in the grass and looked up at the leaves and branches of a tree. Bliss!

Days and moments like this I really feel how happy I am to be a mother. I just love them so much. I always do. Even in the midst of the worst whining going on for hours on end, but that love is mixed up with anger and resentment and guilt. Moments like today is just love, laughter in my heart and bubbling joy joy joy. Just one of those moments makes all the sleepless nights and fights and tears worthwhile.

All my love to you and your loved ones!