Lost at sea.

Sometimes, like for example today, I feel like I am no longer sure what it is that my dream really is. So, I want to create. But what does that mean in my everyday life? I draw a painting every now and then and knit a bit? it doesn't feel like that is what it's supposed to be. It should be something more, but what exactly? Live and work as a multiartist, sure, I've said it allready. But what does that mean for me? I don't have the skills, I don't have the network, surely I can't live that dream. And to face the truth: I have never worked as any kind of artist. How do I know that that dream is real? Or that I deserve to have it?

And where do I want to live? This question bothers me a lot right now. I picture myself in a house near forest and sea, with rooms all inspiring me and my loved ones, a fire burning, something homemade cooking in the kitchen. But I have never lived in a house, never lived in the countryside, so how do I now wether this dream is actually what I want?

I feel like I'm floating around without safe ground under my feet those days, like I'm being blown about. And then I figured it would be nice to picture it being a friendly sister breathing at the ship my life is, making me go on a rollercoaster waveride for a bit.