Moving.

It has been a while again now.
I have been thinking, pondering, reflecting, agonizing, resting, working...
Becoming clearer.
Gathering courage.

And so I have launched my website. The place where I hope to start making my living as an artist. I decided to move my blog there, so that I have all of robinhasadream gathered in one place. I hope you find your way there, and that you will like that space as you have liked this one.

www.robinhasadream.weebly.com

Welcome! (I can't wait to see you there!)

All my love,
Robin

First sell.

My artwork in the café. Impossible to get a good image of the pictures, but you can see how nicely they are framed :).

Exhibition is over. I went to pick up the illustrations a couple of days ago. When I decided to put them on display I really didn't dream that anybody was even going to notice them.
Do I sence some seflcritique here? Some fears maybe?

I was then utterly surprised when I actually sold two! Ha!

I totally take it as a sign from the universe I do deserve to be an artist and that I should step it up.

And so I am trying to open my Etsyshop now. I say trying, because everything that is technical or IT seems to present me with a neverending list of tiny but annoying obstacles to get over. For example, I spent half an hour in bed paralyzed by unexplicable fear (nobody ever admits to how extremely scary it is to go for your dreams - or maybe they do, I just didn't realize what that meant exactly. Like imitating a corpse in bed for half an hour. Or suddenly feeling the urge to tidy your whole appartement. Or run a marathon on a weeknight.).

So now I have made a list of things I need to do (find out standard measures for passepartouts at the place I frame my pictures, find out shipping costs, finding the right kind of envelopes to ship in without things breaking, figuring out PayPal - I know it is supposed to work without figuring out, I am still terrified as soon as I start typing the adress in).

And as I write this I realize I am probably the most scared person I know. Hm.

Anybody else there as scared as I am? And how to deal with it? Do you know? I guess you just have to live with it. To put yourself out there and expose yourself is really scary. Risking having your hopes fall apart too. I'll just keep trying to push myself to do it anyways.
To see where I end up.

Love!

overwhelmed. exited. tired.

Hi.

This blog is just barely living now... I am neglicting it severely. I think it is another sign of how I ruin things for myself. Let things I really care for just wither away. Not actively ditching it. Just "forgetting" until nothing remains.

My dream is not dead, however. It is slowly slowly manifesting.
I have an exhibition running in a café now, and have had at least some positive comments on what I have created :). I have also invited a friend and artist over for a workshop where we are going to create a lot, and plan for how our art can get out into the world. If she wants to come. Which of course she does.

I am working on a project for the blog too. I have seen a lot of other bloggers running 30 days - projects of different kinds on their blogs and am working on an artproject/glimpse into my everyday life that will run for 30 days. I think it will be fun.

I have started working now, maybe six weeks ago, after having been on maternal leave for over a year. And it is hard! I travel to another city three days a week and don't come home until late. My son calls me on the phone when I'm on my way home sometimes because he misses me so much he can't wait and it breaks my heart to here his voice, sometimes shattered from crying. I have to keep going for my dream. I don't want to be away from my children so much.

The job is challenging. I learn SO much, but at the same time I am totally depleted. Maybe when I get used to it it will be easier?

Love!

Woman. Blanket.

Woman. Blanket.

I totally feel like cuddling up in some warmth right now. I dream of knitting ponchos and socks for the whole family. Maybe I will....

Love!

long silence.

I have been away from this space for quite a while now.
I started thinking and, as I sometimes do from thinking, became silent.
I felt I had so much to say and share here, but I didn't know where to start.
I also couldn't shake the feeling I was heading in the wrong direction.

How so?

A year ago I (so much later than everybody else, I know) discovered the wonderful world of blogs. I was totally inspired and started following a number of them. There are so many beautiful persons out there writing and photografing and contributing. And most of them have a specific purpose and a strong desire to help others.

Being a psychologist, I too have this desire. Or do I? I started out trying to come up with ways to "give back to the world". I have started on possibly four different e-books and two e-courses, hit a wall after a while and left them all behind me like stranded whales. And I dragged them around after me for a while as guilty guilty consciosnesses. I really should try and do something for somebody. And I still think I can. But there is another problem here. It is going to sound awful so I'm just going to put it out there.

I don't want to.

Not here. Not in the time have for myself.

I do believe I can do a lot of good for other people at my day job. And I think that ought to be good enough. I discovered a rather nasty feeling of resentment and bitterness. And realized I felt (oh so petty I know) that I haden't gotten the support I needed, and why shouldn't I be at the recieving end for once. And so I decided to start at the point where I am actually standing on (this seems to be a process I need to go through over and over). I want to heal myself first.

And part of my healing is also at the core of why I started out blogging in the first place.

 I want to create art.

I want to be an artist. I want to be able to feel I deserve to create art just because I want to. And that should be enough. I want to trust the universe that since this calling is so strong inside me, there will be ways that my art can help others. I need to trust.

And so I got myself some nice clothes, and I cut my hair a bit, and I am learning to make green smoothies and some raw food meals. I am going to a spa treatment for the first time in my life today. Care for myself a bit.

Oh, and I have an exhibition in one of the cafés around here! Photos of that in next post.

There will be a next post, I promise...

I have now written a post totally about what everybody sais you shouldni't do: Me me me without a single word on why this is interesting for anybody else. Hm.

I am going to allow myself to be selfish a while longer ;).

Oh, and one of the wonderful blogs is this one:

36words.typepad.com

I find it a meditation and inspiration basically everyday.

Love!

fossiles.

I have been silent here for many more days than I thought I would.
I have been thinking about you and this place everyday though.
It seems like summer just grabs hold of me with all its' outdoor loveliness.
We are now by the see, and I am totally enchanted with all the marvellous stones the beach is covered in.
I want to pick up each and every one and look at it.
I especially love the huge amount of pieces of fossile to be found here. I love looking at them, their beautiful pattern. I love feeling them, weighing them in my hand, imagining a beach covered in huge insects scuffling about their business.
To feel time, physically, in my hands.
And to be reminded of how short my own time on earth is. How precious I ought to hold it.

How fantastic this planet is that we inhabit.
How I ought to worship and honour it in every possible way.
And enjoy it.

How grateful I can be.
For everything.

All my love to you!

just a few images.

This afternoon we got back to Stockholm, the kids and I. After a looooong drive of six hours. We had a really nice stay with my father and his wife and I have so many sweet images I would like to share with you. I am übertired, so I will give you only a glimpse now, and you'll see more later.

Missy L. picking her first black currants (notice standing posture, she is walking!)

Young Master S. throwing pebbles and stones in the brook and contemplating the Ocean.

I love them so much.

I wish you many happy or wonderful or explorative or loving or soothing or developing (to learn) days around your loved ones. Or all of the above adjectives!

Love!